Art & Design of Kelli Murray

It’s time for a bit of honesty.  I usually don’t get too personal on my blog.  I generally like to stick to happy and inspiring things,  BUT,  I’ve had a rough week and a lot on my mind….and well, I suppose I just felt compelled to share.  My bummer of a week began with a displaced rib in my sternum (who knew ribs went that high?).  After getting it “reset” by the chiropractor…it hurt more than it did to begin with.  It felt like a car was just parked on my chest.  After 4 days now, it doesn’t seem to be getting better and it’s really causing me a lot of pain.  It’s hard to work, hard to sleep, hard to even breath.  It seems typical for things like this to happen to me.  Me and my health have been at a constant battle for quite some time now.  (Aren’t we supposed to be working together!?)  I have definately had my fair share of illnesses over the years.  From epilepsy in high school, to new found Celiac disease, to Raynaud’s Phenomenon…..I am quite the “medical marvel” (as my husband calls me).  Anything random that could happen to a body…has probably happened to mine.  That is an exageration, but it often feels that way.  It’s one of those things I hate to admit.  It’s kind of embarrassing to always be the sick girl and I have never been fond of admitting my weaknesses.  Most people don’t know it  because I do my best to play it off….to pretend like everything is fine….but in weeks like this, I feel defeated and just get sad.  I often get angry and ask God “Why Me!?  Can’t I just be a normal? When will this end!?”  While my life is good and full of blessings….everything just seems BAD amidst physical pain.  It’s like a rollercoaster ride…and i’m just waiting for it to end so that I can be “normal” again.

And then after a bout of crying and complaining,  I step back from my situation and look at the much MUCH bigger picture.  I realize there are people out there who cannot walk, who cannot see or hear.  People who are starving and people who have dibilitating and deadly diseases.  Who am I to complain of a stomach ache or of chest pain when there are people in the world who suffer FAR greater and for far longer than I will ever know?  I am humbled and ashamed of my selfishness.  God did not create me to wallow in my sorrows and cry “woe is me”, but instead to make the most of each day and honor Him with what I have been given, even in my  lowest of times.  This is a lesson I am slowly learning….counting my blessings and opening my eyes to a world that is so much more than me and my frustrations.

I have been inspired by Nadja Seale’s Blog, not to mention her beautiful photographs.  Particularly her post “Feel“….which hits home for me right now.

………….

“Our tendency in the midst of suffering is to turn on God. To get angry and bitter and shake our fist at the sky and say, “God, you don’t know what it’s like! You don’t understand! You have no idea what I’m going through. You don’t have a clue how much this hurts.”

The cross is God’s way of taking away all of our accusations, excuses, and arguments.

The cross is God taking on flesh and blood and saying, ”Me too.”

{see me everywhere}

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 9th, 2010 at 6:34 pm and is filed under MY LIFE. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.