Art & Design of Kelli Murray

First things first.  I started a blog for Rylee! Well, a tumblr that is….with heaps of photos documenting her first year of life.  I can’t believe we are already nearing it’s end!  Was I not just updating my blog with my growing belly?  It feels like yesterday. I always kindly nodded and smiled to those moms that told me “oh, enjoy it, they grow up so fast”.  All the while thinking “How fast can it REALLY go?”  But here I am, one of those moms, not wanting to believe that my baby girl is turning one, ONE, in just a few weeks.  So to new and expecting moms…relish in those tiny little newborn fingers and toes, because before you know it, those toes will be walking and those fingers will be pulling at your leg saying “mama, up!”  They really do grow up so fast.  I wish I would have started this tumblr for Rylee on day one, but of course, the idea came to me just a few weeks ago so I’ve been playing some ridiculous catch up.  But it’s been fun working backwards and remembering all the milestones we’ve watched her conquer.  I’ve laughed and I’ve cried at all the many memories we’ve made this year with our little peanut.  It’s been the best year.

As I was browsing through some of my daily reads today, I came across Promise’s post HERE and it really struck a chord with me.  If you don’t know Promise…she’s a gem.  One of the sweetest, most talented, business savvy girls I know.  For real.  Reading through her post, I was reminded of the fear I had prior to giving birth to Rylee.  Our pregnancy was unplanned, so at first, a whole slew of conflicting emotions filled my heart.  I have always had an entrepreneurial spirit with lots of dreams.  When we found out we were expecting, fear was the first emotion that hit.  Yes, Sam and I had talked about kids and we both knew we certainly wanted them.  Maybe even a handful of them!  But NOW!?  I wasn’t sure I was ready or prepared.  It always felt like this fantastical idea that would one day come true….but when that little stick read positive, reality struck and fear crept in.  I wasn’t sure if I was prepared to be a mom just yet or ready to put my career aspirations on hold.  There was still so much I wanted to do!  All I knew for sure is that I wanted to be there for my baby, and if that meant sacrificing my work, I would do it for her.

Little did I know that she would be the best thing to happen to me…in life and work! The loved that filled me when I held her for the first time was like nothing I have ever experienced.  She has bought a joy to my life that is irreplaceable….and to think, I was scared of this.  Sure, sacrifices have been made and I still don’t have my work/life balance perfectly figured out.  I’d be lying if I said trying to find that balance is easy, because it not, at all.  But I can say that I know where my priorities lie and Rylee has motivated me to make the hard decisions and really focus on the things that I truly want to pursue career-wise.  I work harder in the times that I can, and I have never had more focus on my goals than I do now.  I know it may take me longer to achieve them, but I am ok with that, because I know that the time I am investing in my daughter is far more valuable.   I’ve never stopped dreaming, and in fact, I’ve never dreamed bigger!  When I think back on my fears, I see now that joy has completely replaced them.   God has a way of knowing what is best for us, weather we see it or not.  I’m so glade He blessed us with Rylee, in the timing that he did.  Life is so much better with her now a part of it.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 26th, 2012 at 4:33 pm and is filed under MY LIFE. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.