Art & Design of Kelli Murray

 The 52 Project – a portrait series of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2013

This week, i’m featuring both of my “kids”.  I love watching the bond between them grow.  I remember before Rylee was born, being worried about how Bam (our cat) would react to a baby.  At first…it wasn’t great, and we thought we might have to find  him a new home.  But thankfully, he quickly learned his boundaries, and over time, these two have become the best of friends.  Bam has always had more of a personality like a dog than a cat.  Very playful and people-friendly.  Perhaps that is just the nature of himalayan’s….or perhaps we just got lucky, I don’t know….but we love that about him.

Happy Monday, friends.

Series inspired by Jodi

We’re back!  I feel like all I’ve been doing lately is vacationing!  It’s been amazing, but it’s finally back to reality.  (tear!)

I had a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend in Palm Desert with my family.  We had planned this little retreat a while back….both to celebrate my sister’s graduation (we’ve got a doc in the fam!) and also to celebrate  all the momma’s.  12 of us packed into one big house and it was 4 days of sun, water and relaxation.  As you can see from the pics, that’s about all we did.  And it was perfect.  Palm Springs has always been our  go-to vacation spot ever since I was little.  Now that we all have families of our own, it’s not often that we are able to coordinate our schedules to vacation together.  Which is why this trip was extra special.  My grandma was even able to fly out from Wisconsin to join us!  Four generations all together.  Looking around the room I couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming thankfulness for her.  Really, we are all here because of her.  Not our husbands of course, but my mom, my sisters, our kids.  It all started with one lady.  And it’s just amazing to me to think about the cycle of life and how that works.  I hope that one day I can be 76 and looking upon the generations that have come after me.  Life is such a beautiful and precious thing.

Ever since the miscarriage, I have thought more about my role as a mom and how I am impacting this little life I created.  I’ve thought about what a gift motherhood really is.  And how each moment should be cherished.  My heart breaks for those who cannot get pregnant, and I empathize with those who have lost babies that they never got the chance to hold.  Some, time and time and time again.  It’s a kind of pain you don’t even consider if you haven’t gone through something similar.  I know I never did.  While Mother’s day ought to be a celebration, I also celebrate with a sensitivity to those who are fighting for motherhood.  Those who are struggling to conceive or who have angels in heaven.  I think Mother’s day is for you too.  And my prayer is that you stay strong…and that one day, in God’s perfect timing….those desires are fulfilled in the most beautiful way.

I still cry sometimes when I think about the baby we lost.  I still feel a twinge of jealousy when I see a pregnant woman, wishing that was me.  But more than the sadness, I have found a new joy and appreciation for the perfect, charismatic, life-giving daughter that I do have.  I’m not quite sure how I got so lucky.  Not only in her, but for the man I get to raise her with.  The guy I get to call my husband and who she get’s to call her daddy.

Rylee, you are such a gift.  Thanks for letting me be your mama.

The 52 Project – a portrait series of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2013 

Rylee and I spent the day last week with my friend, and uber talented photographer, Jackie Wonders.  We took some photos around our house for a special feature we are working on….but I thought I’d share a few of the outtakes here, to include in my 52 Project.

Sam and I were gone for only a few days and I swear Rylee looked even older when we returned.  The trip was a ton of fun, but without a baby to take care of or an email to check….I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I am so used to being productive with every spare minute of my day, that when I am given the opportunity to turn that off and just relax….it really is a challenge.  I know that sounds silly, but it’s the truth.  I’ve trained myself over the last year to be more efficient with my time and to constantly be marking things off of my checklist.  So when I tell myself to throw that checklist out the window, it’s almost impossible.  Which makes me think maybe I need more vacations like this one so I can learn how to really relax!  Regardless….I did the best I could at leaving it at all the door and enjoying this alone time I had with Sam.  It doesn’t come often!  Let me tell you, 4 nights kid-free with your husband does wonders for the relationship!!    Of course, we couldn’t forget about our Rylee.

I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but when I look at her, I don’t see my baby anymore…..but a little girl.  Her hair is finally coming in and she is practically talking in sentences.  Sometimes I am still shocked this little person came out of me.  I always thought I’d enjoy her older years better than the baby stage.  And with each passing day, that thought is confirmed.  I love watching her learn new things and seeing more of her personality shine through.  There are days when I still miss her tininess, but the joy I find in watching her grow is so much greater.

A couple weeks ago I posted these photos that Nicole Daniels took of Rylee and I…..well, there’s more! We did a quick change and headed down to the beach, our home away from home.  A place that never ceases to amaze me with it’s beauty.  So thankful for these frames of my girl and I! She is growing up so fast!

Now I just have to choose which one to frame! Decisionsssss!!

  The 52 Project – a portrait series of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2013 

The weeks are FLYING, are they not!?
Quite happy about the blooms that are springing up everywhere though. We have all of these pretty little bushes popping with pink all around our house. I tried my best to position Rylee in front of them for a couple photos, but getting a one year old to stay put for more than two seconds is near impossible. She is way more interested in the roly poly bugs and sticks than she is with my camera lens. And who can blame her!

A lot has been on my mind the last few weeks.  Way too much to digest and regurgitate here on Rylee’s sweet portrait project.  But perhaps I’ll get the guts to share more in some future post.  All I know for certain is that life is unpredictable.  It hurls you in all sorts of unexpected directions.  Puts you at the highest of highs….and then slams you back down to the lowest of lows.   In the midst of all sorts of contradicting emotions this week, I fell upon this quote:

“Don’t confuse your path with your destination.  Just because it’s stormy now, doesn’t mean you aren’t headed for sunshine.”

I’m believing in the sunshine.

* Rylee’s dress is c/o Dreamcatcher Baby