OUR BABY IN HEAVEN

I remember this day so vividly.  It feels like it was yesterday I was sitting in this chair with tiny Rylee in my arms, just 2 days old.  So consumed with love…knowing from this day on, my life would never be the same.  She’s changed us completely.  She’s brought us a new purpose, a new kind of joy.  She’s challenged our marriage, motivated us to be better people, better parents, better partners. I remember the anticipation and excitement leading up to her arrival.  Feeling her move in my tummy and wonder what she would be like, who she would look like.  I remember feeling nervous about labor, but at the same time, so completely ready for it so that I could finally meet this little person I had grown so attached to.

And then there she was.  This perfect, screaming, purple baby.  Placed on my chest and melting every part of my heart.  At that moment, nothing seemed to matter but her.  I’d do anything for her.

We found out in February that we were expecting baby #2!  All the excitement that I felt when I first found out about Rylee came flooding back to me!  I’d get to experience it all over again.  Believe it or not, I was looking forward to the morning sickness, the all day waves of nausea and packing on the lbs….because I knew the joy that was waiting for us at the end of it.  But the sickness never came.  I immediately started thinking it was a boy.  They say every pregnancy is different.  So maybe boys don’t make me sick (the most positive thinking I could muster)  As the weeks went by though, I started to doubt.  Something just didn’t feel right.  I actually dreamt of loosing it.  Horrible nightmares that woke me in a hot sweat.  And then, just two days prior to my ultrasound, I began to spot.  It’s like I knew what was coming.  But my doubt was subdued when I got a perfectly healthy ultrasound.  6 weeks and 2 days, with the tiniest flicker of a heartbeat.

That ultrasound made it real.  I was attached.  I was going to be ok.  This baby was going to be ok. What I was experiencing, I so wanted to believe was just implantation bleeding, like the doctor suggested it might be.  But in my heart, I think I still knew.  The spotting went on for what felt like forever.  It was torture.  If I was going to miscarry, I just wanted it to happen.  And if this baby was going to make it, I just wanted it to stop. God, how I wanted it to stop.  I prayed and prayed that God’s will be done.  And on Friday, “it happened”.  I knew right away when it did.  I was preparing myself for this, but I didn’t realize how hard it would be until it actually happened.  And then going back to the doctor to have that same ultrasound…..only to see an empty uterus where there once was a baby….a heartbeat….a tiny soul growing inside of me.  It was like a knife straight to my heart.

The hot tears came streaming down my face….as they are now as I write this.  My heart breaks for the baby that I was never able to meet.  My November baby, who just might have been born on Thanksgiving.  I tried so hard to be rational.  To remember how common this is and how many successful pregnancies there are post miscarriage.  But it did not help my heart.  I am grieving this baby.  Every part of me wants it back.  I want to rewind two weeks and start over, I want a new outcome.  But in all my anger and confusion, all I can do is lay it at the feet of the Lord.  I know He has a plan for me.  And I have to believe this baby is now rejoicing with Him in heaven.  Along with all the other babies that never got to walk this earth.  And one day, I will be able to meet him/her and kiss their sweet face and hold them tight like I wish I could have here.

Despite my sadness, loosing this baby has filled me with such gratitude for my Rylee.  My perfectly healthy, spunky, one and a half year old that fills me with more joy than anything on earth.  How blessed we are to have her.  I realize how many people struggle for years with infertility or loose their baby so much farther along in their pregnancies.  So in perspective, I know I have so much to be thankful for.  But right now, I am allowing myself to feel sad over this precious lost life.  I’ll see you in heaven little one.  I hope you are dancing with your great grandpa.

 

  COMMENTS (87) | SHARE:

  1. Collette

    Thank You so much for sharing this I too had a miscarriage and it always hurts me to think of my baby love and I want to just block out all the emotion and love. Your post brings so much perspective to me and I am grateful that after that experience I was blessed with another sweet baby .. a girl who is now 4 years old and rules the roost as she has won over her 3 older brothers hearts and holds a piece of mine and her daddy’s! I know I have my sweet baby Avonlea up in the Father’s arm and I will rejoice in our meeting! Thanks again Kelli for letting me remember there is hope to come !

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  2. Signe/ Copenhagen Kiddo

    I’m so sorry to read this. It must be a very difficult time for you. I see people like you in my work as a sonographer, and it’s always very sad when this happens. Of course you have already attached yourself to the little life growing in you. So allow your self to be sad and enjoy your Rylee as much as you can theese days.

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  3. chanel

    i’m really sorry to hear this happened. praying for you and your family, kelli. God is definitely going to use you and your baby’s story to bring Him glory and i’m thankful that you shared.

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  4. Gretchen Ulferts

    Oh Kelly I’m SO sorry for your loss. We have had 4 miscarriages and the latest one was this past December with identical twins. I’ve felt every emotion you can imagine and still grieve, at times, for each of my babies. There are no healing words to say to make you feel better but know that I’m thinking and praying for you as you grieve the loss your baby!

    Reply
    • kelli

      Oh Gretchen, I am so sorry. I did not know! I can’t imagine. I hope your heart is slowly beginning to heal. I know God has a plan in all of this. It’s just so hard when you have hopes and dreams for them, only to see them taken away. Trusting in God’s great plan. All my love to you and your family! Miss you guys.

      Reply
  5. pekcokseyindeftercisi

    you are so sincere.despite you havent written in my mother tongue ,your sentences really touched me.You have goodnesses.I wish I could relieve your sorrow.I always believe whatever comes to me, I have to waken up and restart for the rest of my life.

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  6. maggie

    I am due next week with my first baby. I had two miscarriages before this pregnancy bloomed. They were so painful physically & mentally. It’s hard to deal with no matter how far along you are, and if you are unfortunate enough to experience it, it does help talking with other people who have too.
    You and Sam were blessed with Riley and now you get some more alone time with just her. I’m so sorry for your loss.

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  7. Tasha

    Oh Kelli, I am so sorry for your loss. It is so brave of you to share this, even though I have no doubt just how hard it has been. Someone close to me had an experience exactly as you describe it mid-last year. Now she is just a few months off bringing her little boy in to the world. As someone who has never gone through such a heartbreaking experience, it’s hard to find just the right words. Hang in the Kelli, you are a gorgeous person, and I will keep you in my thoughts xxx

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  8. Christine Evolving

    Kelli I am so sorry for you experience – you are so brave for sharing and I’m proud of you for “going into the sad feelings- sit with them and feel them” instead of avoiding them.

    So much love and support surrounds you.
    xoxo Christine

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  9. eeny

    Oh Kelli, i am so sorry to hear about your loss. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and sending you lots of love and a big hug.

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  10. Sandra

    I am so sorry for your loss Kelli! I know how difficult and heart breaking this could be! I lost my second baby May 11′. It was one of the most heart breaking things I have ever experienced. I was all alone with my husband since we had just moved from CA to NJ and it made everything so much difficult. Surprisingly I got pregnant 2 months later and now I have a one year old running around messing up the house as I type this. God has a plan for you! Sending you and your family prayers! But for now, cry. Cry until you can’t cry anymore. And hug that little girl of yours! Hugs!

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  11. Lesley Myrick

    Oh Kelli, this is just heartbreaking. I can’t even begin to image the depths of pain, grief, and loss you and your husband are going through. Thank you for your bravery to share your story. I’m praying for you and your family. xox

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  12. Caterina

    Beautiful Kelli, stay strong. I cannot imagine the pain you and your husband are feeling right now. Sending massive love & healing energy xxx

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  13. Maci

    Dearest Kelli,
    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Thank you for sharing this very personal experience. I have suffered greatly with my sisters, who all lost their first child. As my mother lost her first child too, I was convinced that I would loose mine anyway. However, now I am 8 months pregnant with my first child and am praising our Lord every day for this gift.
    Praying that you find peace in him: Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5,6
    Love, Maci

    Reply
  14. Angel Swanson @ loveandsplendor

    Oh sweet Kelli. I know I can’t say anything to make the pain go away but I can say I have walked this painful road too. Our gracious God will give you the otherworldly strength and grace you need to be sustained in this time. And I know you will see your little one in heaven; I can’t wait to see mine, too! Love, angel

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  15. myka

    Ohhh Kelli, I am thinking of you and your sweet family so very much in this moment! I too experienced this type of loss (but with my first pregnancy) just a few months ago, and I promise that every day it gets a little bit easier. I allowed myself time to grieve and came out on the other side of it with a new hopefulness. You are a strong lady. Sending lots of hugs and love to you all! xoxo!!!!!

    Reply
    • kelli

      I am so sorry Myka…I had no idea. It really is the worst….but you are right, every day is getting a little easier. I have hope that more babies are in both of our futures! So much love to you.

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  16. Betty Hansen

    Sweet baby girl I am so sorry to hear this news:( you are very brave to share your story as I know it will help others. Allow yourself to grieve in this it is a huge loss. know that we will be praying for you and Sam and that you are dearly loved.

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  17. Auste

    Kelli, I am so sorry to hear about it..
    I can say, when i saw your picture in instagram with this sad comment I was shocked.. (i was in the bus), so I started to read this post in your blog and I started to shake. Darling, you’re so emotional and you have a dream family. So yes, you have to be thankfull for what you have.
    I have showed your and your family pics for lots of people and I said, that you guys are my ideal family. Be proud of yourself.
    I believe, that it was really hard for you to speak about it, but still. You’re a strong woman.
    And i can say, that this post just changed my point of view to life… It somehow touched me as well. I read your post once again… I cannot think about anything else just you and about everything what I should be thankfull for….
    Lots of kisses, Kelli!!! xx

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  18. Kat

    Kelli, at times such as these its difficult to find the right words to seem worth posting up to you by way of any comfort, as nothing is going to ease what you’re in the midst of.
    However I wanted to comment to honour your sharing and to let you know how much we out here are listening to you and appreciate your posting, even such a terribly sad post such as this. It can’t be easy, I know it takes buckets of bravery to be so open, but I’m certain it will touch others, and I hope it has helped you even just for a few moments to read the supportive wishes.
    Prayers to you and your family darling, love Kathryn xox

    Reply
    • kelli

      Thank you so much Kat…for always being so kind and encouraging. You are truly a light to everyone around you!

      Reply
  19. Nicole

    First: so, so sorry for your loss, mama. Second: I find it especially crazy that I happened to be browsing through my newsfeed and caught this post. I recently stumbled on your blog from another blogfriend, and started following after seeing that we share similar tastes, but haven’t had much time to catch up.

    I have a 16 month old daughter, and I also was pregnant recently with our baby #2 due in early November. Our stories were so similar it took my breath away for a minute– I never got morning sickness, and quickly felt that something was wrong as well, so I was cautious not to get too attached when I started spotting a little too. When we went in for our first appointment, however, there was no baby at all; just a gestational sac that measured at only 5 weeks. We had an appointment scheduled a week later to check to see if something weird just happened with the egg and it was just too early to see anything, but when I started bleeding again 3 days later, I knew it was over. We went in for that emergency sonogram Tuesday, and even though my hormone levels looked great, there was still nothing growing when I should’ve been 10 weeks. I felt the exact same way, though, I just wanted to get it over with, if it was going to happen, so I had surgery this past Thursday.

    Although my loss was a little easier to cope with, since it was more the abstract loss of a baby to us, I can so empathize with what you’re going through, and am sending lots of hugs via the interwebs. Stay strong. I have tons of faith they’ll be big sisters soon.

    Reply
    • kelli

      Wow Nicole. It seems as though we almost have the same story…timing even! I am so sorry you lost yours as well. It’s such a hard thing. But I too believe they will both be big sisters one day! Just in God’s timing. So much love to you and your family!

      Reply
  20. AJ

    Oh Kellee, I am so so sorry. I lost my daughter when she was 6 months old, and miscarried at 14 weeks and 6 weeks, respectively. Each event was traumatizing inits own way, and is something that I will carry with me. My thoughts are with you and your family during this time.

    Reply
    • kelli

      Wow AJ, I cannot even imagine. You are a much stronger woman than I! Thank you so much for your concern and well wishes. I means so much.

      Reply
  21. Sioned

    Oh Kelli I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for your heart. Losing a child is unimaginable, I cant find the words to begin to comfort that pain. There are no words. Your baby was too special for this earth, an angel. I promise, the grieving will calm. And you, Sam and Rylee will heal in each others warmth. All of my love goes out to you at this time xxxx

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  22. Stela Hoshi

    Dear Kelli, I’m sorry for your lost! I’m not a mom and I can’t even imagine how you are feeling. But, if I can give any word for comfort, I’d say that God must have a plan, and maybe it’s not the write time for this little one to come, maybe he or she was in a hurry become part of your family, but it was not time yet and God had to take him back. I believe that if this baby came to your life it was for a good reason and that he is yours and soon or later he will came back to you. Having faith is so dificult in times like these, but we just have to. God bless you, your beatiful little girs and your husband!

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  23. Kelly

    I am so sorry for your loss. I too just miscarried about a month ago, it is slowly getting easier to handle. We can only hope that the future holds a happier ending.

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  24. Jo

    Kelli!! We are so sad to hear about your loss. We love you and have you and your family in our hearts. You are so incredible. Love Jo and everyone at Minette and Milo

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  25. Sarah

    So sorry to hear about your loss, but I’m so happy to see your testimony through your faith in God’s plan for you and your family, always remember that God always has a better plan for us than we have for ourselves, and never loose sight of that! May God bless you and your family and heal your aching hearts.

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  26. AJ

    Oh goodness, I’m so sorry my phone spelled your name wrong! My good friend spells hers “Kellee” and so my phone input that spelling. Just didn’t want my words to seem impersonal because of it. I truly hope God can heal your heart. There will always be a scar, but the pain will come less often in time. My thoughts are with you and your husband.

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  27. Ali

    I am so sorry for your loss, Kelli. Thank you for your vulnerability as you wrote this post. I will continue to pray for peace and comfort for you!

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  28. Gesine

    I know how you feel and I am so so sorry! Last year I lost my baby girl at the beginning of the 6th month and I am still heartbroken. It it the main reason why I am in residential treatment for depression right now. Sending you hugs and healing prayers from Germany
    <3

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  29. Miley

    I’m sorry to hear this. I pray for you and your family, I’m sure you will have another baby in time. My thoughts are with you. Hugs :)

    Reply
  30. mediamarmalade

    I’m so sad to hear about your loss, I can’t begin to understand what you’re going through and how it must feel, but I can’t help but feel that talking about your feelings in this way will only help the grieving process and is a really brave and courageous step. I wish all the best for you and your family, keep strong :) xx

    Reply
  31. Anna

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine the pain you and your family are going through, the bravery it must take. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. I hope your baby is resting in peace.

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  32. Angela

    That’s really sad news. :-(
    I wish you to be strong and keep being positive.
    All the best to you and your family.

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  33. Nadya N.

    I’m so sorry for your lost, I can’t imagine how is must’ve felt. Praying for you and your family, stay strong love :-)

    Reply
  34. karen@somewhatquirky

    December 5, 1985. That’s the day my first baby was to be born. That baby lives in heaven with yours. I still remember that date all these years later. May God bless you and grant you peace during this time of grief. I would like to recommend a book for you – one that I was given after my miscarriage. It is called Empty Arms by Pam Vredlevet (http://www.amazon.com/Empty-Arms-Miscarriage-Stillbirth-Pregnancy/dp/1576738515/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1365950382&sr=1-2&keywords=empty+arms)
    I found great comfort through reading it. Take care.

    Reply
  35. pauline k

    I’m reading you from belgium (brussels) since a long time now and I’ve never comment here. (sorry fort my not very perfect english)
    I’m so sorry for you… I send you all my love.

    Reply
  36. Jen H

    So, so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the positive point of view, while still grieving. Very inspiring.

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  37. Anna

    Kelli, you and Sam are in my thoughts and prayers. May you feel Gods love around you like big hug.

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  38. Anna @ IHOD

    Kelli,
    Crying real tears over here. Its a fear I face every pregnancy, but have not experienced the loss. I can only picture the pain and knowing how real my love for my unborn baby is, I know the pain of losing the baby would be agonizing. So very sorry for your loss and I know your faith (which is so inspiring my friend!) will pull you through. We are blessed to know there is an eternity to where our most beloved wait for us. Your family now has the sweetest personal guardian angel. Sending love and prayers, and hoping the pain will slowly heal.
    Anna

    Reply
  39. ieva

    so sorry. so sad. why do these things happen…? so unfair. i believe that after all the grief, this will make you stronger, more sensitive and even better person and mom for rayle and future kids (i know you are great already). i guess this sorrow makes us to understand what we have and appreciate it more.
    sending you my prayers and wish you to heal.

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  40. Jen

    Thank you for sharing this. There are SO many of us who have experienced the same thing but it still seems to be a very taboo subject. I had two last year but shied away from talking about it on my blog. I’m not sure why. But you’ve made me feel like it should be talked about. I felt very alone the first time it happened but when I started telling people it was amazing how literally everyone had a story – whether their own or someone close to them.

    I know you will get passed this. God has a plan for you and your beautiful family. Take care.

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  41. Dara

    Long time reader, never commented. I am so sorry. There are no words. I pray that you feel comfort in knowing that baby #2 is in a happy comfortable place. I hope that you and your husband find peace and when you decide to try again you have a healthy happy pregnancy and give birth to a wonderful sibling for Rylee. peace and love xo

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  42. Jake

    It took a lot of courage writing this and I want to sincerely thank you for doing so. To be so vulnerable and honest is such a beautiful thing to witness. I think it’s because it allows me to share in your greif (and happiness in other posts), but also gives me permission to feel my own emotions relating to life’s peaks and valleys. Thank you Kelli and my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

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  43. Sannetta

    I follow you on IG and I love your style! I am so sorry for your loss and will pray for you in the weeks and months to come. You write beautifully and although I do not know you personally, your story touched me! You are beautiful and your perspective is also beautiful! God bless you and your little family!

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  44. Allie

    Kelli, I am so sorry for the loss you and your family have suffered. I pray for God’s incredible peace to surround you and comfort you. Much love. XO.

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  45. Cat

    Kelli,

    We’re on the same wavelength: I found out in Feb that we were to have our *first* baby in November. 5 weeks, 4 days later, I got the same sad news. I feel for you and your family. Its the worst thing in the entire world. But we’re optimistic and hopefull for what’s to come – even though everyday is hard since getting the news. My best to you and your family.

    Cat

    Reply
  46. Gabrielle

    Wow, I really can’t imagine how that felt. I have a little girl myself and am scared (because of what happened with our first) to try again. Us Mom’s are such strong people on the outside, that’s for sure. <3

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  47. Essjay

    i am so sorry for your loss. I am trying for a baby and i cant imagine, i dont ever want to feel that pain..i cant fathom it. God bless you and your family x

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  48. Chelsea

    Hi my dear, praying for your families hearts. I am currently struggling with what my doctor believes was a miscarriage it was very early to tell. You see, I have yet to be a mommy and I’m only 27 and preparing for spinal reconstruction. My physical pain has put my dreams and wants on hold, and made getting up and fighting for my faith, life and marriage quite a cross to bear. I am a hairstylist on my feet all day so I am in excruciating breathtaking pain. When I missed my period I became worried because I know my crumbling lower spine can’t currently support a sweet little soul. I was worried ( as I am heavily medicated to make basic activities almost bearable) that I might be pregnant. I prayed that God would help me be strong for whatever his will was, a pregnancy for me before my surgery could mean a wheelchair, because I also have a retroverted uterus, which pushes on my failing spine. I am quite an independent and feisty soul and I am not quite ready for a baby. But I want to be a mother in the next few years. I already have love my future children so much because they are a part of everything that made who me and my husband are and a total gift from The Lord. I was late and decided it was time to buy a pregnancy test. When I went to test I noticed spotting. The test wasn’t clear it was blank with a faint marking. I freaked. Then it was gone, the day i made a docs appt i started having some of the worst cramping ive ever had in my life, like my insides were falling out. When i spotted, it looked like a mini crime scene. The tears stabbed like something I never knew I could feel, I didn’t even know that I could feel this way about a “possibility”. I have struggled over the last few weeks with guilt that my medications and poor planning caused this and I have been trying so hard to let go and let God because I really don’t know if I’ll ever get to be a mom. I’m just trusting that he knows best, he restores and he paid the ultimate price of his own son for us. I know he is with me every step of the way. I pray in a years time that my spinal fusion will be successful and I can work towards letting God create a miracle in there. Hugs and blessings. I am so sorry for you and I pray that the heaviness is lifted from you. Your posting spoke to me. Know that your story is blessing others in your words of pain and strength. Thank you ford sharing your talents, your beautiful family and most importantly your strength to share your faith. You are a vessel my dear. Much love from my family to yours.

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  49. Steph

    So sorry for your loss Kelli, you’re so brave for writing this post and sharing your story. I’m sure it’ll help others who may sadly find themselves in a similar situation feel like they’re not alone. Life is so precious. Sending lots of love and light xxx

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  50. Giovanna

    I’ve been in Palm Springs the last few days and I just caught up with your blog. So sorry to hear this news. I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you & Sam. I also believe God has plans for us and it seems your baby #2 had very important angel duties to get to and didn’t have a chance to join us here. Your baby will always be with you and is looking out for you right now. Thanks for sharing and try to keep your chin up.

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  51. Sita

    Tears streaming down my face as well reading your post.. Sending so much positivity your way. Your beautiful family is in my thoughts… <3

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  52. shannon

    It’s as if you wrote everything I went through about 4 years ago. The pain is always there and only people who have experienced this truly understand. Thanks for sharing.

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  53. Maria

    oh dear… so many of us readers with the same experience. we all strangers to each other but go through the similar stuff. i was 28wks pregnant when i lost my baby daughter. it is easier now, when baby No2 is with us. but there is always but..why..what if.
    be strong
    xxx

    Reply
  54. Suzonne

    I’m so sorry that you’ve had this experience, but I’m so grateful that you shared this publicly. No one tells you that the road to motherhood can be fraught with anxiety and sadness, that you may suffer losses along the way. And when you have a miscarriage, it can be one of the loneliest times – because people feel awkward and don’t know what to say, or because it’s early and still secret and no one else knows what you’re experiencing except you and your spouse. I had 5 unexplained miscarriages before I finally gave birth to my son. I agonized through every single week until nearly the end. It was a bittersweet time and yet, I love my son so much he makes every miscarriage that came before absolutely worth it! It’s a delicate thing, life, but the knowledge of that rounds and softens the edges of our hearts until we become filled with gratitude for every tiny wonder and beauty that surrounds us. You will learn how to live with the sadness, day by day, and one day it will be overlaid by another joy that takes your breath away. But it will still be a part of you. Saying it out loud is an important step in healing – I’m glad you found your voice – and I’m wishing you the smoothest of journeys from here on out!

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  55. Kristin

    I am so sorry that this had to happen to you, Kelli, but thank you so much for sharing it with us here. Much love to you and your family, you are in my thoughts.

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  56. Brittany Anne

    Continuing to pray for you, sister. Let mourning take its time. Your faith is a blessing to the rest of us.

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  57. Capucine

    Wishing you healing for the impact a miscarriage has, on the body and spirit. I know that terrain.

    I came here via SouleMama’s link list for the batik tutorial and read back a few posts. Out of respect, I wanted to tell you that I’m not just absorbing inspiration, I heard your voice here as well.

    Wishing you well, for what is imperfect and unfixable in this life. I support the grieving when grieving is due, let the wobbly hormones help you let it go.

    The book ‘Spirit Babies’ was ultimately a comfort to me. So was planting sunflowers. So was marking the due date when it came, a week difficult for no reason until I remembered and made space.

    And offering recognition to all the OTHER mamas here who know what you are talking about.

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  58. Heather Hogan

    I have 3 daughters, just as you were 1 of 3. We had our daughter Reilly (we call her Ry too) in 2002. In 2005 we welcomed our second daughter, Jamison. In 2011, we decided we wanted to have another child. This time it was not so easy. I had an ectopic pregnancy and then a miscarriage, but in April 2012, I became pregnant with our 3rd daughter Tatum, who arrived in December 2012. I understand the heartache you are going through. Now looking back, I realize that we were meant to have this beautiful baby Tatum, which means “brings joy” and words cannot express how much joy she brings all of us. If I would have had 1 of the other babies we were pregnant with, I would not have her. We have solace in that, and I hope that brings you solace too, for your baby that is yet to come.

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  59. Anabela

    Hi Kelli,

    I just wanted to thank you for writing this. I never said anything to you at the time, but I remembered reading this and feeling so awful for you after seeing your post about it on Instagram. And this week when I went through my version of this, I found myself looking this post up and reading it and re-reading it. It’s brought me comfort to know I am not alone. I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m sure even though it was nearly a year ago it is still on your mind (and I hope I’m not dredging up a wound). Anyhow, it’s hard for me to write coherently at the moment, but I just wanted to say thanks. xo

    Reply
    • kelli

      Thanks Anabela! You are certainly not alone. It’s one of the hardest things to go through, but I promise your heart will mend in time. Much love.

      Reply
  60. Haley

    Hi Kelli,

    Yesterday I experienced my first miscarriage of my very first pregnancy. My heart has been breaking i’ ve been searching for a story like mine. Thank you so much for sharing this story, your words have really brought me comfort at this time and I admire the fact that you shared your experience so publicly so that others can stumble across this and know that they’re not so alone.I know this was a while ago, but I wish you well. Thank you, thanks you.

    Reply

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