We’re back! I feel like all I’ve been doing lately is vacationing! It’s been amazing, but it’s finally back to reality. (tear!)
I had a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend in Palm Desert with my family. We had planned this little retreat a while back….both to celebrate my sister’s graduation (we’ve got a doc in the fam!) and also to celebrate all the momma’s. 12 of us packed into one big house and it was 4 days of sun, water and relaxation. As you can see from the pics, that’s about all we did. And it was perfect. Palm Springs has always been our go-to vacation spot ever since I was little. Now that we all have families of our own, it’s not often that we are able to coordinate our schedules to vacation together. Which is why this trip was extra special. My grandma was even able to fly out from Wisconsin to join us! Four generations all together. Looking around the room I couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming thankfulness for her. Really, we are all here because of her. Not our husbands of course, but my mom, my sisters, our kids. It all started with one lady. And it’s just amazing to me to think about the cycle of life and how that works. I hope that one day I can be 76 and looking upon the generations that have come after me. Life is such a beautiful and precious thing.
Ever since the miscarriage, I have thought more about my role as a mom and how I am impacting this little life I created. I’ve thought about what a gift motherhood really is. And how each moment should be cherished. My heart breaks for those who cannot get pregnant, and I empathize with those who have lost babies that they never got the chance to hold. Some, time and time and time again. It’s a kind of pain you don’t even consider if you haven’t gone through something similar. I know I never did. While Mother’s day ought to be a celebration, I also celebrate with a sensitivity to those who are fighting for motherhood. Those who are struggling to conceive or who have angels in heaven. I think Mother’s day is for you too. And my prayer is that you stay strong…and that one day, in God’s perfect timing….those desires are fulfilled in the most beautiful way.
I still cry sometimes when I think about the baby we lost. I still feel a twinge of jealousy when I see a pregnant woman, wishing that was me. But more than the sadness, I have found a new joy and appreciation for the perfect, charismatic, life-giving daughter that I do have. I’m not quite sure how I got so lucky. Not only in her, but for the man I get to raise her with. The guy I get to call my husband and who she get’s to call her daddy.
Rylee, you are such a gift. Thanks for letting me be your mama.