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Toddler scarf by The Pink Ruffle

As I was looking through photos from earlier this year for a project I am working on, it really hit me how drastically Rylee has changed.  Infant to one is one thing….one to two is another.   And from what I gather so far, two to three might prove to be the biggest year of change thus far.  I’m not really talking about what she looks like, but more about who she is becoming.

The last few months have been hard for me as a mom.  We’ve had to make decisions to keep us financially stable while Sam is diving in to his new career with Lone Flag.  One of those decisions was to put Rylee in a pre-school 2 days a week so that I can take on more clients and design projects.  We’ve also asked for a lot more help from my mom during this season of transition (I kind of don’t know what I would do without her). But every now and then that guilt creeps up and I second guess these decisions. Are we being selfish? How is this effecting Rylee?  She’s old enough now to know exactly what we are doing.  I know I wouldn’t change anything looking back.  I wanted Sam to pursue his dream, I encouraged him to,  and I know it would have only been harder the longer we waited….but my “mom heart” sometimes gets sad that I am missing too much.  It’s such a challenge being driven to work and pursue your passions, while not sacrificing what is best for your family.  But  I know that sometimes sacrifices are essential for the potential of great.  And Sam and I both have hope that this shop will be great for us and our family down the road, otherwise we would have never started this crazy journey to begin with.  In the short couple of months since this idea was fostered….we’ve had high highs and low lows.  But most of that was to be expected.  Ry has been a champ with her change in schedule….it’s honestly probably been harder on me than it has for her.  Ironically, after being a total daddy’s girl her whole life, she has suddenly switched to only wanting “momma”.  And I’ll take it.  I think God knew I needed that extra love from her to let me know it was going to be alright.  One thing I’ve learned about Rylee is that she is a nurturer.  She has a sensitive little heart  and knows when someone is sad and needs a hug.  The other day she caught tears in my eyes….she held my cheeks with her little hands and said “momma, isok….i luf you “.  I just about starting crying even more…I love that girl so much.

  1. Strawberries and Buttercups

    The thing to remember is its 2 days a week and not a full week 8am-6pm like some parents leave their children. My niece is now 4 but when she got to two she asked to go to school herself, my sister didn’t want her to but it got to the point she was like a broken record so she gave in. Despite wanting to go she found it hard to adjust at first but absolutely loved it, she absorbed even more from her peers (including bad habits!), she was there until July as she’s started full time school and she often talks about missing her friends and teachers as well as me taking her in the mornings. Its done her the world of good and helped with her independance as often you find parents get so used to doing things for their children they don’t know when the time comes to stop. You have 5 days to enjoy her is what you need to think about :)

    • kelli

      Thanks! So true. I’ve realized she is definitely picking up some bad habits there too :) But I think overall it will be really good for her growth socially.

  2. TJ

    Oh goodness, her grabbing your face is just the cutest thing I have ever heard! I can only imagine what a sweet spirit she is!
    And I just know that your business will in the long run be good for your family! This temporary heartbreak will all be worth it! :)
    xo TJ


  3. Giovanna

    Your story about Rylee grabbing your cheeks is so cute! It brought tears to my eyes. She’s already showing you that she is tough enough and independent enough to be part of your support system. Where did she learn that from? You and Sam of course!

  4. Isha Webb

    I love reading your blog and your honesty! Ive been a fashion designer for 16 years and Im struggling with the idea of wanting to work more, pursue passions and still balance my “mom heart”.

  5. Christine

    I watched my godson do the same with his momma as she was venting to me about a hard day at work. He cupped her face in his little 2-year-old hands, looked into her eyes, and smiled a kind of sunshine smile that turned into a laugh. He was reminding her that there’s still joy around her!

    So, continue to hang in there. You have an amazing capacity to reflect and zero in on what’s good around you! Remember that transition is short-term and stability is just around the bend. Let go of thoughts about what you might be missing in order to savor the moments you have with Rylee even more, just as you did with this sweet story. It’s those moments that will matter most in the long run.

    • kelli

      Thanks Christine! You always have the kindest, most encouraging things to say! And thank you for that post you did on Lone Flag! You are a gem. xo

  6. Lindsey

    You will get through this! Keep focusing on the positive and soak up those moments you do have with her. Looking forward to seeing how this new adventure unfolds for you guys.

  7. kristine

    Oh my, Kelly this family blog is really wonderful and really caught my heart. Your daughter is really lovable and adorable with her age she has a lot of sympathy. Wish you all the best with your family.

  8. Phanie Pack

    I know exactly how you feel and I can tell you that you are not alone. I also have been feeling a lot of this guilt as I pursue my dreams. You do such beautiful and inspiring work and it would be a sad world without the talent you share with the world. It’s ok to put her in preschool and to have others care for her a little more now as she is growing up. She will ALWAYS ALWAYS be yours and she will always love you if not love you MORE for pursuing your dreams! Your drive and passion will be an inspiration to her and you will see her eyes light up more and more as she gets older and understands the world and your place in it. My children see my work and tell me how much they like it. They are understanding more now my work and the services I provide other people and they have adapted happily. My son is 4.5 and my daughter will be 3 in december. 2 to 3 IS a huge jump! Not gonna lie! It’s like 2 years old is the aboslute last phase of toddlerhood and it’s heartbreaking!

    It is not selfish for you guys to follow your hearts. These little ones, they are resilient no matter how sensitive they may be. You have a beautiful family with talent and that should shine!


  9. Makenzie

    Kelli, I love this! Thank you for always being so vulnerable in your posts, it really has helped me going into motherhood to know that you always go through some sort of struggle wondering if we are doing enough as parents and really trying to figure out how to steward the babies Jesus has given us well. It’s an amzing thing knowing too that no matter how hard a moment may seem we can go back to the Father’s heart and get His truth and perspective everytime! I can’t wait until Maxine gets to talk to me in more than just sounds!

    By the way, Riley is just too much to handle. The absolute cutest.

  10. angel swanson

    Sweet Kelli! Thank you for this beautiful glimpse of your heart. I know it can’t be easy but you are right — you are making sacrifices now that will have great returns in the future. I am melting over the sweet spirit Rylee has; she obviously picked it up from her mama. Sending love and encouragement. You are doing a great job!!

  11. Cassidy

    I know that feeling Kelli, I always try to remind myself that we are showing our girl that she can take risks and pursue her dreams. You’re doing that for her :)

  12. kellyhicks

    I can definitely relate. That Mom guilt is pretty overwhelming sometimes. What a sweet little girl – you’re story at the end almost made me cry. I can’t wait til Jack says I love you :)



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